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23 September 2010 @ 10:59 pm
[INCEPTION] Want You Right Now, Darling, PG, Arthur/Eames  
Finally! My help_pakistan fic for gardinha. You told me you wanted something happy, where Arthur and Eames were together at the end. This surpasses happy and moves into crack, but Arthur and Eames are definitely together at the end. I hope you enjoy it!

Want You Right Now, Darling
Inception, Arthur/Eames, PG, 3310 words
Crack. In which unexpected side effects have left Eames incapable of uttering the word "darling" without rendering himself an irresistible object of lust to everyone except Arthur. Arthur is not pleased. Also, Cobb wants to write a book.

Some things go unnoticed for some time, like the fact that Yusuf is wearing mismatched socks, because no one has reason to stare at his feet until he props his feet on the desk while he eats his Reuben sandwich. (He also gets a dressing stain on his left cuff, but Arthur notices that straightaway, having winced his way through Yusuf's enthusiastic but haphazard munching.) Some things Arthur hopes go unnoticed forever, like the fact that he has developed an inexplicable sort of fondness for Eames's cologne, a woodsy, citrusy scent that apparently seeps into Arthur's bones and relaxes his spine a fraction every time he gets a whiff.

Some things get noticed immediately, because missing out on such things usually gets you a painful death by way of hostile projections.

Some things get noticed immediately just because - well, there is really no way to miss Ariadne plastering herself to Eames's side and trying to stick her hand down his trousers.


"Sorry," says Ariadne, pink about the cheeks. "I couldn't help myself."

Arthur stares at her from their seat in the corner of the warehouse. Why he's been delegated to talk to her about her...uncharacteristic and completely unprofessional behavior, he has no idea. Probably because Yusuf is too busy laughing himself sick at Eames, who was really altogether too cavalier about the entire thing.

("If you'd wanted to sleep with me, Ariadne," he said, raising an eyebrow at her upturned face, "all you had to do was ask. But not on the job, love, Arthur'll have a coronary."

Arthur wasn't having a coronary. Arthur was just having a moment, to talk himself out of the urge to whip his gun out.)

"Ariadne," Arthur says finally. "Do you have...feelings for Eames?"

"Feelings," she says, propping her chin in her hand. She looks thoughtfully into the air over Arthur's head. "Feelings. I don't know, Arthur. Does wanting to strip his clothes off and lick him from head to toe and then make him fuck me into the mattress - or a wall, or a table - anything, really. Are those feelings or is that just pure, unmitigated lust?"

Arthur is a bit dumbfounded. He has never heard Ariadne speak so bluntly or, to be frank, quite so filthily. She's an absolutely brilliant architect and one of the fastest learners he knows, and while he's aware, objectively, that she's an attractive young woman with a probably normal sexual appetite, he's never given it much thought because it's not exactly relevant to the job. Arthur thinks, somewhat desperately, that he rather prefers it that way.

"Lust is a feeling," he ends up pointing out rather uselessly.

"Yes," Ariadne agrees mistily and she meets his eyes. "In that case, I do have ever so strong feelings for Eames. Powerful, gripping, fiery feelings..."

She trails off, happily flushed again. Arthur fights off a headache and wishes, resentfully, that Cobb were here to deal with this. He leaves her to her daydreams, trying not to notice the way her fingers wander restlessly over her thighs and her eyes drift back to Eames, bright and intent.

Eames is flipping idly through a stack of papers, attention back on the job like he expects Arthur to handle this new problem entirely by himself. (Or maybe like he trusts Arthur to handle the details like a point man should while Eames heads the job, sorting out the pressing needs. He's not a bad leader at all, Eames, which Arthur can grudgingly admit to these days. Even if he still drives Arthur crazy sometimes.)

"Darling," Eames says with a flicker of a smile as soon as Arthur walks into earshot, "I was joking. I'd never sleep with Ariadne. She's not my type."

"Too smart for the likes of you?" Arthur snaps back, belligerent on Ariadne's behalf. He doesn't miss the way Eames's smile grows.

"Too eager. I like a challenge."

Arthur sits down and frowns. "Eames, you know that's not her, right? Something's wrong. Something got to--"

He stops talking because suddenly Yusuf is no longer behind his desk, fiddling with dosage samples. He's advancing on Eames a focused, predatory air.

This is ridiculous, thinks Arthur as Yusuf practically flings himself into Eames's lap. He stares at Yusuf peeling away Eames's shirt with eager, fumbling hands for a long moment before Eames's muffled protests register. Arthur jumps to his feet and goes about detaching a stubborn and highly clingy Yusuf from Eames.

His threatening headache throbs into existence when an outraged shriek echoes from the other corner of the warehouse. "I saw him first."


"I'm the point man," Arthur says. He is not complaining. He's merely stating a fact. He is, after all, a point man. "This is not in my job description."

"Your job requires you to roll with the punches," Cobb replies reasonably. The bastard. "You have to adapt as the circumstances change."

"You don't know what it's like, Cobb. I've had to quarantine Eames, keep him from the other two. He's back at the hotel going over the plans while I keep an eye on Yusuf and Ariadne here. It's ridiculous, we can't work like this, when he's not around to give input and make decisions."

"Oh," says Cobb, knowingly, "I see. You're sulking because you've been separated from Eames, is that it, Arthur?"

Being a stay-at-home dad has really made Cobb far more annoying than being an unstable international mind criminal wanted for murder.

"No," Arthur snaps. "I'm angry that I'm stuck babysitting."

"You know, this would make a really great book," says Cobb. "You should write an autobiography-- Hell, I should write an autobiography. Some of the things I've seen in dreams, you can't imagine-- well, all right, you were there for most of them but-- I could make millions. I could be a bestseller! Should I use a pseudonym? I should probably--"

"You are the worst advice-giver in the world," Arthur tells him frostily and hangs up.


The worst thing is that he still has no idea what caused a manifestation of sudden desire to have immediate sex with Eames. ("Clearly I am irresistible," said Eames before he left, but Arthur could tell he was unsettled by the two unexpected assaults on his person. Still he finds the aplomb to wink at Arthur. "If you suddenly feel the urge to throw yourself at me, Arthur, you know where to find me.")

"Is there something in the water?" Arthur wonders and proceeds to check. Well, he procures a sample and makes Yusuf check. The tests come up negative.

"Though there is a fairly high percentage of fluoride present," Yusuf offers, holding up his test tube. "So it's actually better for your teeth than all that coffee you're drinking."

Arthur ignores the slightly censorious look and cups his hands around his mug, caffeine staving off what he is sure would be an inevitable stress migraine.

"So the feeling's faded?" he asks again, to double-check.

"Gone entirely with him," confirms Ariadne, back to poring over her plans for the museum in the second level. "Now he's back to being attractive but far too, well, Eames for me to ever want to have sex with." She frowns at her model and moves one of the blocks an inch to the left. Her focus is almost entirely on her maze of hallways and Arthur really doesn't think it's fair that she isn't more concerned about how she found herself groping Eames in broad daylight not two hours ago.

This really should not be Arthur's problem to solve.

"Damn it, Eames," Arthur mutters into his coffee, "I'm a point man, not a fucking supernatural detective."

"What was that?" Yusuf asks.

"You have no idea what might have triggered the flux of lust?" Arthur asks loudly. Granted, Eames was...attractive. Despite the unfortunate colors of the clothes he chose to wear, the shirts and trousers and jackets were all cut well to show off his figure. He was solid and muscled, a charming smile that could turn wicked in the blink of an eye, quick fingers and a quicker mind. And his mouth... He exuded a rather obvious sort of sex appeal, Arthur thought. If you liked them blatant like that.

(Which Arthur's subconscious seemed to, because these days he had started to dream again at night, the scent of Eames's cologne wafting through them and leaving Arthur unsettled and dissatisfied in the hazy mornings. But that's neither here nor there.)

"Well," Yusuf says, considering, as if he is replaying the events in his mind, "it was right as he was talking to you, when you were coming back to us from Ariadne. I was seized with a sudden urge to see him naked and touch him all over and maybe ride him until--"

"Thank you, Yusuf." Arthur interrupts, pained. "Do you remember, was it anything he said in particular? Or was it how he said it? Or did he do something?"

Like slip an aphrodisiac into your drink? Arthur is not so uncharitable as to believe that of Eames, however. Obnoxious as he may be, he is not that kind of man.

Ariadne sets down her model. "He said 'darling'," she says breathlessly.

Arthur looks at her.

She's staring blankly ahead of her, caught up in her memories. "He said, 'What do you want for lunch, darling? We'll get Yusuf to pick something up.'" She shivers. "And then I wanted to-- have him put his mouth all over me--"

"Thank you, Ariadne," Arthur all but yelps.

"I know the feeling," Yusuf tells her gravely. They share an understanding look and Arthur gulps his coffee, as if the caffeine might also stave off a burst blood vessel.

"All right then," he says. "So is it ...the way he says 'darling'?" He can't imagine what it's like to have one word unleash such feral, undiluted lust. He would be living in a state of perpetual arousal if he reacted like that to the word 'darling', considering how fond Eames is of using the endearment.

Yusuf turns wide eyes on him. "It must be. It makes me shiver down to my bones. You don't feel it at all, Arthur?"

Arthur sets down his mug. "I remain the only one unaffected. We should be grateful for that."

Yusuf's shrug seems to say your loss. He and Ariadne share another look, as if pitying poor Arthur who has never known such feelings. (And he hasn't. Really.) Then Ariadne's eyes brighten with what Arthur recognizes as her 'idea' gleam.

"We should test this!"


"It's perfectly logical, Arthur," Eames says when the team closes up shop early at the warehouse to troop back to Eames's hotel room. He settles back in his chair as Yusuf and Ariadne arrange themselves on the bed, a respectable distance away from him. Arthur stands midway between the bed and chair, ready to intervene should any pouncing occur.

"We can't focus on the job if this is a distraction," Eames continues. "It's best to address it now, wouldn't you say?" He smiles crookedly. "Darling?"

Arthur's eyes catch on his mouth, smiling back reflexively as warmth echoes in his chest. It's nice that they respect each other now; the new dynamic of their relationship has lost the edge of mutual condescension present during the Fischer job.

Then Arthur's mind catches up and he leaps forward as both Yusuf and Ariadne throw themselves off the bed in Eames's direction.

Ten minutes later finds Eames's tie askew, his shirt ripped, one sock lost, and a half-formed hickey on his wrist. Arthur has him locked in the bathroom and stands in front of the door, glowering at Yusuf and Ariadne, whose eyes are still fever-bright. They're sulking.

"It's not fair," complains Ariadne, "you don't know what it's like to want to feel that stubble of his burn everywhere, like on my stomach and the inside of my thighs and--"


"If you don't want him," Yusuf puts in as Ariadne falls into a sullen silence, "you should let us have him. We'd share, even!"

If Arthur doesn't want Eames--

"But he does want me," Eames calls through the door. Arthur freezes. "He wants me back on the job doing what I do best, without you lot trying to maul me every three seconds."

"Maybe if you would stop saying the word you know triggers them," Arthur calls back through the door, his heart still pounding loudly in his ears. Eames doesn't know. God-- he doesn't know. Arthur isn't sure if he's relieved or insulted.

"Well, we were running a test, love."

Arthur pins Ariadne with his best glare. "Your suggestions are no longer being accepted. Your logic has been compromised." Testing is obviously a horrible idea.

She glares right back and says beseechingly to the door, tone entirely at odds with her expression, "I'd let you do whatever you wanted to me, Eames."

"And I," says Yusuf, "would do to you whatever you wanted."

"Thank you for your kind offers." Eames sounds amused, damn him. "But all I really want is Arthur. And he, sadly, seems to be the only unaffected by the endearment in question."


Arthur sends Yusuf and Ariadne to their rooms, feeling like a beleaguered parent. He returns to let Eames out of the bathroom now that the coast is clear. Eames passes by, eyeing him. Arthur finds he doesn't know what to say, which is why it's perhaps for the best that Eames is the one who breaks the silence.

"Well, Arthur?" He's quiet. "Did you want to tell me off without any witnesses?"

He's stripped off his tie and shirt entirely, both draped carefully over a bare arm. Arthur takes in the white tank and the broad shoulders, those dark lines of the tattoos, and there-- the whiff of a familiar woodsy, citrusy scent. Something inside him flutters, uncertain and scared, like he's fourteen again.

Arthur laughs at himself. It's been so long since he was fourteen.

"What did you mean?" he asks. Like there are that many possible meanings behind those words. Still, he wants to see what Eames will say when confronted face-to-face. There is no convenient door to act as barrier this time.

Eames, to his credit, doesn't deflect. (How could he? He was the one who brought them to this point by raising the issue.)

"Exactly what I said. You're all I want."

He drapes the ruined shirt and tie over the back of the chair he originally sat in when pounced upon. Arthur watches the shift of the muscles in his back, thinks about the way Eames has made him laugh recently. The way he trusts Arthur to take care of the details. The way he leads them, brilliant, but always taking input.

He's a thief and a forger. Arthur reaches out and catches Eames's shoulder with his hand. He's not fourteen any longer. He's more than that.

"What do you mean by 'want', Eames?"

"Everything, Arthur." Solemn, sincere. Arthur can smell Eames better than ever, can feel the heat of the skin underneath his palm. "The good, the bad, and the ugly. The holy and the profane. The nights and the days. If you'll let me, darling."

Maybe whatever it is that got to Ariadne and then Yusuf has just been biding its time with Arthur. Maybe it's something else entirely. But Arthur feels that sweep of lust, the urge to pin Eames to the nearest flat surface and kiss him until he's breathless-- He feels those feelings, the ones that Ariadne and Yusuf rhapsodized about at length, but they are nearly drowned under the surge of something deeper. Something Arthur is still hesitant to name, that trembles through him, feeling unspeakably monumental.

"If you'll have me," he says softly. He has just enough time to see Eames's eyes widen in surprise before he's turning Eames to face him, stepping in close, and pressing their mouths together.

Eames kisses back tentatively at first, like he's unsure of himself or unsure of Arthur, but when Arthur gentles the kiss, waiting, asking-- Then Eames smiles and Arthur feels it against his own lips. "Arthur," he murmurs, and it is sweeter than any endearment. Eames wraps his arms tight around Arthur, pulling him in flush.

As Arthur loses himself in Eames's mouth, he hears two distant thumps against the door and a faint, plaintive, "Dammit, we saw him first. Arthur, you cheat."


"So you still have no idea what caused it?"

"No idea, though Yusuf attributes it to some lingering side-effect of one of the compounds and, well, some strange Pavlovian response in the subconscious."

"The subconscious can be a treacherous thing," Cobb says in the understatement of the century. Arthur barely resists slapping a palm to his face. He clears his throat.

"Thankfully the effects seem to have completely dissipated within twenty-four hours. It's been two days and Ariadne's back to making eyes at Yusuf, much to his obliviousness. We're back on schedule with the job."

"Ariadne and Yusuf," says Cobb, shocked. "How can this be? I thought she liked you, Arthur."

That's what you get for being an unstable international mind criminal, Arthur supposes. You get a bit too caught up in your own head and your own problems that you miss the glaringly obvious. Not that Arthur saw it until Ariadne explained it to him patiently. Yusuf, really. That was unexpected. "She says she likes a man who is good at what he does."

"I'm good at what I do," Cobb says in injured tones. "And so are you, Arthur!"

"Not during the Fischer job," Arthur replies dryly. "Where she made her first impressions." Cobb falls silent, as there's nothing he can say to dispute that.

"But Eames--" he tries.

"A bit too hung up on what you think of him," Ariadne told him when he asked the same thing. A fond, almost condescending pat to his shoulder. "When it was obvious he knew far better than you what he was doing. I don't like a man who lets someone else's opinion hang him up so much."

"Not her type," Arthur says and leaves it at that.

Cobb hmms thoughtfully and Arthur pictures him squinting at his phone. "So how is Eames now?"

"Fine. Working." Arthur doesn't see the need to mention the new facet to his and Eames's relationship. It's really not any of Cobb's business. Besides--

"Ah, well, good. That's wonderful to hear. Now, Arthur, remember how I was talking about writing a book last time? Well, Saito's said he'll publish anything I write! With his money, I'm practically a guaranteed bestseller!"

Besides, Cobb will just turn it into fodder for his book, never mind that it has nothing to do with him and wouldn't belong in his autobiography anyway.

"Granted, I have to write the book first, but that will be easy. The difficult part is coming up with a title. What do you think-- Inception: No Dream is Impossible? Or perhaps The Life of a Dream-Stealer? It sounds more romantic than Extractor, don't you think? Or something in French, maybe."

Arthur starts as his phone is plucked from his hand. Eames settles one hand in the small of Arthur's back and says into his phone, "Le Mythe de Sisyphe, Dominic. Now you'll have to excuse Arthur. I need him terribly for work." He hangs up unceremoniously and returns the phone to Arthur, eyes twinkling.

"Work," Arthur says dryly.

"Sadly, yes." Eames kisses him swiftly and guides him back to the table covered in papers and abandoned scraps of Ariadne's models. "But afterwards, you may ravish me all you wish." He pauses and grins. Then purrs, "Darling."

Arthur gets a little warm under his collar but then ducks a flying pen. From across the table, Ariadne makes a face at Eames. "Oh do shut up."


Started/Finished: 2010.09.23 | Notes: Title inspired by "Move Over Darling" by Doris Day.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Carla Bruni - L'Amour | Powered by Last.fm
enlightenedaprettyeternity on September 24th, 2010 04:04 am (UTC)
bb your html is borked a tad.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your headmeiface on September 24th, 2010 04:05 am (UTC)
haha I just fixed that. /o\ Thank you though!
(no subject) - aprettyeternity on September 24th, 2010 04:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on September 24th, 2010 04:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
没有你日子很黑白papered on September 24th, 2010 04:06 am (UTC)
ahhhh YAY YOU FINISHED oh god I need to do mine

it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} arthur: totemmeiface on September 24th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
This was not the fic I was originally writing h_p! This was crack that got all written tonight. Because apparently I can write crack way faster than I can write plotty things, ugh.

Who is in your icon?
(no subject) - papered on September 24th, 2010 04:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on September 24th, 2010 04:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - papered on September 24th, 2010 04:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on September 24th, 2010 04:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
mr. presidentherocountry on September 24th, 2010 04:10 am (UTC)

it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {kpop} 동해: LOLmeiface on September 24th, 2010 04:13 am (UTC)

The title would be something like, création: pas un rêve impossible.
(no subject) - herocountry on September 24th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on September 24th, 2010 04:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - herocountry on September 24th, 2010 04:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on September 24th, 2010 04:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} bang bangmeiface on September 25th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
I could not blame Ariadne for wanting the things she wants! And proudly...disclosing that to the world... haha, Thank you so much!
My hat is deep and full of magic: jgl - bashful smirking?angelgazing on September 24th, 2010 06:17 am (UTC)
This is adorable!
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your headmeiface on September 25th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
epic escapist love: jglchaoticallyclev on September 24th, 2010 06:22 am (UTC)
I feel like this ties in nicely to the fact that i am starting another psych class on monday. Except that when we get to conditioning, I will be smothering laughter at the memory of this fic.

This was delightful. Ariadne's lines actually had me gasp/chocking. (yay for the yusuf love! \o/)Poor Arthur. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HIS PAIN.ahaha. and of course Saito would fund Dom's (probably ill-advised) venture into the written word.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} dream teammeiface on September 25th, 2010 04:06 pm (UTC)
Yusuf deserves more love! Honestly, with how everyone in the movie had their own issues, Yusuf was really the guy who knew what the hell he was doing! :3 hee, glad to hear this fic will entertain you in class. Thank you!
I once narrowed my eyes at a platypus.jibrailis on September 24th, 2010 06:40 am (UTC)
fdsajklasjf; I LOVE IT SO MUCH, MEI. I am having trouble now reconciling this breezy, wondrous, hilarious fic with the fic you said you were having trouble writing, because this is so wonderful. Cobb's advice! Yusuf and Ariadne and their sudden lust for Eames! Eames' "I want you" confession to Arthur, guh, which left me feeling mushy in my mushy places. I want to read this over and over again. ♥♥♥
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} arthur/eames: ♥meiface on September 25th, 2010 05:35 pm (UTC)
Oh that is because this is not the one I was struggling to write. D: That thing is still in progress on my HD, resisting my glares and every effort to make it keep going and then end. I am so glad you liked this though! ♥ This one was fun to write. (I can also never escape the mushiness when it comes to A/E, evidently...)
Ifrit.weatherfront on September 24th, 2010 07:27 am (UTC)
Am I glad that I read your other fic first, YES. Oh, this makes me so so so happy :D :D :D Everything, everything about it, the ATTACKS OF LUST and Eames and Arthur trying to untangle this thing between them ♥!!! and COBB IS SO HILARIOUS OH GOD I LOVE THIS COBB SO MUCH HE IS SO RETIRED AND OFF HIS GAME AND AHHHHH



Or something in French, maybe.

...I SEE YOU :D :D :D :D :D Oh, I adore you.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} dream teammeiface on September 25th, 2010 06:21 pm (UTC)
I need my happy endings, Ifrit! ;_; HAPPY ENDINGS FOR EVERYONE. hahaha I'm sure Cobb will make millions off his autobiography, possibly thinly disguised by a pseudonym. Ngl, he was fun to write.

aldkgfj using my non-existent French (aka Google): Je vous adore trop!
ze_zebra: pic#98695666ze_zebra on September 24th, 2010 10:00 am (UTC)
Haha, "Le Mythe de Sisyphe"?? Fellow Camus fan there?? ♥♥ And he totally missed the pun...

I have admit, Cobb takes the cake in this one, in his slightly megalomaniac, post-Inc, retired, domesticated glory...

"If you'll have me..." so freakin' cuuuuuuutttteeeeeee!!!

Belgian chocolate for you my dear!
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your headmeiface on September 25th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
hahaha oh Cobb - Cobb was so much fun to write. He is perhaps not meant to be a stay-at-home dad. But maybe writing his book will bring him fulfillment in life. :D

Also, how did you know I adore Belgian chocolates. Delicious! Thank you!
(no subject) - ze_zebra on September 26th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
clair3: THardyclair3 on September 24th, 2010 10:05 am (UTC)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} tom hardy: oral fixationmeiface on September 25th, 2010 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you kindly!
indybreeindybree on September 24th, 2010 11:31 am (UTC)
Oh goodness, well, that just charmed the hell out of me. :D I love it so very much! I giggled profusely throughout and possibly squealed a bit at the utter adorableness. This was just all kinds of wonderful. :) Haha, I was particularly amused by the mention of Dom's squint.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} arthur/eames: ♥meiface on September 25th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
Dom's squint should cameo in every fic! :D I'm so glad you enjoyed this - thank you for the lovely comment!
shoppermania: I'll be your mirrorshoppermania on September 24th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
awww ♥♥♥
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your headmeiface on September 25th, 2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
Ridiculous, aren't they? :D
(Deleted comment)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your headmeiface on September 25th, 2010 06:55 pm (UTC)
I am so glad you think so, V! ♥
addict for dramatics: arthur eamesununoriginal on September 24th, 2010 02:19 pm (UTC)
lolz, this was funny and adorable!~~
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: {inc} dream teammeiface on September 25th, 2010 06:55 pm (UTC)
Silly team fics are always fun to write. :D Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your headmeiface on September 25th, 2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad! Thank you!