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30 November 2009 @ 11:40 pm
[Super Junior] 5 SJ Members Who Believed in God, PG, gen  
It is oft-ignored in fandom that anyone but Siwon is Christian but we know that's not true. This was supposed to be a drabble about Kyuhyun and Siwon. Somehow it ended up like this... What is my life, seriously.

Religious themes throughout, natch. I may or may not subscribe to some or all of the views portrayed within. No offense intended; portrayals are fictional, etc.

Five Super Junior Members Who Believed in God
Super Junior (M), gen, PG, 1170 words
Faith is different for everyone.

Kyuhyun was raised Protestant but he's not sure what that means he believes. He's not sure he ever found God; God was, instead, there and waiting for him every Sunday morning, thanks to his parents and his sister. He is accustomed to praying before meals and praying before bed, accustomed to thanking God for the good fortune in his life, and accustomed to singing songs before the congregation from the time he was in elementary school and onwards.

Kyuhyun thinks of God the way he thinks of math: it's something that is part of his life, ineffable and ever-present, but not something that requires him to have faith in it. It just is.

He slowly realizes that this is not the "right" way to believe - or, at least, not the way he is supposed to believe. His pastor talks of faith, of bridging the gap of what can be known and what cannot be known. He talks of following the path of righteousness, when Kyuhyun has never been able to see that path. He has seen only "what we do" and "what we do not do" by the living testimonies of people around him. Kyuhyun doesn't follow the path of righteousness so much as he follows the cues of those around him.

It is a strange thing, a combination of Korean tradition and Christian tenets. Always respect your elders, of course; be kind to those around you; do your best with what you have. But his mother always worries what their neighbors think, and his sister always worries how she looks - it's not vanity, she tells him as she frets over which pair of earrings to wear before a date with her boyfriend. It's not vanity, but making sure you present a good image to the world. They know you are Christian. You are, in essence, God's representative. So you have to behave well and dress well.

Kyuhyun, at fourteen, isn't quite sure he buys her logic. But it doesn't make any less sense than his father always drinking with his business partners, with extended family and other guests. They are drunk often and Kyuhyun remembers in the back of his mind some Sunday school lesson about the evils of the vine - he doesn't know if it makes a difference that soju comes from rice. His father tells him that it's different, because it's culture. This is what being Korean is about, and he can't forsake that any more than he can forsake his God.

Kyuhyun doesn't question anymore, because even as he grows older, his faith stays the same. God is a constant in his life, unquestionably true the way math is unquestionably true, but Kyuhyun is the one who makes the choices in his life. He games. He sings. He drinks the older members of Super Junior under the table, and laughs. This is his faith, natural in the back of his mind like breathing.

Kyuhyun has never been quite sure what to make of Siwon. Siwon, whose faith is so different from his own, and yet, the same. Siwon is passionate and earnest about his God - proactive about his beliefs in a way Kyuhyun never was. He has, Kyuhyun suspects, found the path of righteousness. He is following it eagerly. Kyuhyun still doesn't know where to begin to find it or if he even wants to.

He is drawn to Siwon despite himself. There is something almost mesmerizing about someone who is so blessed - good looks, a charming manner, a generous heart - who is at the same time so humble about it. Siwon doesn't dismiss his assets in false modesty; instead, he attributes them to God, with a smile. Kyuhyun doesn't understand it but he is fascinated by it.

Kyuhyun believes, but he doesn't really care if others do. His faith is his own, and his relationship with his God is a personal one. Siwon, on the other hand, can't seem to help asking Heechul-hyung if he wants to go to church with him. He can't seem to help asking if Hankyung minds praying before their meal together. Siwon doesn't just love God - he is in love with Him - and he is so eager to spread that love.

Kyuhyun doubts that Siwon will ever change Heechul's mind, because Heechul is stubborn that way. He has set himself in his atheist ways long before Siwon, and he is even more resilient against change in the face of Siwon's badgering. Hankyung... Hankyung may be swayed, some day, but Kyuhyun can't see it either. Hankyung would be hard-pressed to put anyone, anything, before his mother and his country.

But even if neither Heechul or Hankyung will ever change their minds about Siwon's God, Kyuhyun can tell that Siwon's exuberant, unwavering love for Him is part of what makes him so irresistible. He would not be himself if he didn't love his God so deeply. That is part and parcel of why the people who love him, do.

Heechul has freely admitted it to Kyuhyun over drinks, shameless. He isn't bothered by it.

Kyuhyun believes, too, in his own way. And even should he never fully understand Siwon's faith, his way of loving, Kyuhyun admires him for it nonetheless. This is, some part of him acknowledges, true love.

Donghae believes as strongly as Siwon does, but his is a much more private faith. He prays by himself at night for his mother and for his brother. He believes with every inch of his heart that his father is in heaven, watching over him. He knows he will get married in a church one day, blessed in holy union with a wife he will love until death do them part. He thanks God for every reminder to be grateful when the days are hard.

Donghae doesn't wear his religion on his sleeve; that space is reserved for his heart. He keeps his faith around his wrist, in a silver bracelet that was a gift from his mother the day he was baptized. He wears it as a reminder that there is something bigger than all of this: a reason for him to keep going without his dad and a love that will never fail him. He puts his faith on display, just as Siwon does, but in an entirely different way. His marker is not for others, but for himself.

Zhou Mi doesn't believe in God, per se. He believes in a Higher Being, a nonspecific entity who has some sort of cosmic control. Zhou Mi believes in love in all forms, and he doesn't believe in a God that would condemn that. Zhou Mi is too much in love with this life to imagine forsaking it for a second, promised one; to waste it, he thinks, would be a tragedy.

What Heechul doesn't tell people is that he grew up believing in God. He stopped the day he fell in love with a boy.


Started/Finished: 2009.11.30 | Edited: 2010.11.20

Notes: Members chosen were chosen because, as my biases, I tend to overthink about/overanalyze them? So I have put more thought into their possible religious beliefs than, say, Kangin's. orz
♥ knocking down hearts like dominos ♥: leading the charge- super juniorfaithgrowsold on December 1st, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
i am so in love with all of your biases ♥

beyond that, religion is a touchy subject for me, but i honestly love how you portrayed the way all of them believe. i want to give you an awesome, coherent comment on how much i love them all but i think it would fail. basically, heechul breaks my heart. donghae is precious. zhou mi is beautiful. and i can't put what i think about kyuhyun and siwon without typing out an essay, but they way you wrote them, it's just a really good portrayal, and it really makes me respect them all the more (which sounds silly because i mean, this if fiction, but still, this just seems, really accurate and believable and stuff :D).

so yes. basically. i love this. is beautiful and it's believable and i'm kinda always envious of your writing skills :D? ♥

it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: zhou mi needs iconspacemeiface on December 1st, 2009 06:06 am (UTC)
Religion is...not quite a touchy subject with me but one that can spawn essays of me trying to explain my stance/beliefs/etc so, uh, better to avoid all that for now. But, yeah, I love the religious!Siwon trope in fic (especially in crackfic), but on a more realistic level...most of them are Christian. They all deal with faith, in different ways, of different things, etc. And like I said, I tend to overthink my biases. ;___; aslkdhf so this fic happened. So I'm really really glad you liked it and it didn't come off offensive or like I'm heavily biased toward one viewpoint or another. Or something. ♥
halcyon_mornhalcyon_morn on December 1st, 2009 05:58 am (UTC)
Donghae doesn't wear his religion on his sleeve; that space is reserved for his heart.

That's a lovely turn of phrase, Mei. ♥
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: angstmeiface on December 1st, 2009 06:02 am (UTC)
He does, though!

And thank you. ♥
make happiness a habit ♥yunsias on December 1st, 2009 06:12 am (UTC)
It's almost like you know them personally ♥

Religion is such an icky subject in fandom.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: shihanmeiface on December 1st, 2009 06:18 am (UTC)
I fake it well, lol. ♥

I can understand why it's generally left untouched.
a constellation-making machine: hanchul seriousnotablender on December 1st, 2009 06:13 am (UTC)
ah, i was just thinking about this the other day when kyuhyun posted that line from the bible, perhaps referring to the kangin incident? it's an interesting topic, and i'm glad someone decided to address it, however briefly.

the last line took me by surprise ♥
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: now and forevermeiface on December 1st, 2009 06:16 am (UTC)
ahhh I don't know about the last line. I was wondering if I should tack on another one: He fell out of love with that boy eventually, but he never refinds his faith.

But I thought maybe it was better left implied? :/?

I actually have no idea what Kyuhyun posted. I actually have NO IDEA where this came from alksdhf. I guess it's something I've always kind of thought about, considering how easy I can just slash them the rest of the time.
(no subject) - notablender on December 1st, 2009 06:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - meiface on December 1st, 2009 06:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - notablender on December 1st, 2009 06:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on December 1st, 2009 06:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vanillacat on December 1st, 2009 06:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on December 1st, 2009 07:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vanillacat on December 1st, 2009 07:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
holykeebler216holykeebler216 on December 1st, 2009 06:56 am (UTC)
He would not be himself if he didn't love his God so deeply.

Even if people don't agree with it, they can't help but admire him for his intensity. Sometimes, in an embarrassing way I generally keep to myself, when I'm about to forget, I think of Siwon and remember. In a weird way the thought makes me try harder.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: calmmeiface on December 2nd, 2009 01:51 am (UTC)
Even if people don't agree with it, they can't help but admire him for his intensity.

I've had an interesting (though not bad) experience with religion, and I really admire Siwon for loving and believing the way he does. I can understand how it might be a turn-off for some people, but the fact of the matter is: Christianity is about living out loud, about living as example. And I think he does that, whatever else I may think about Christianity personally.
(no subject) - holykeebler216 on December 4th, 2009 11:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
没有你日子很黑白: love for breakfastpapered on December 1st, 2009 08:04 am (UTC)
oh mei, this is gorgeous. each section really hits home and is just so believable. ♥ I love the descriptions of siwon, *__* @ He would not be himself if he didn't love his God so deeply. also, single-sentence for heechul's section really packs a punch. loves your biases forever, :')~
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: shihanmeiface on December 1st, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC)
Liz, I miss you! ): Come talk to me on MSN when you're not busy. ♥

I love the religious!Siwon trope and I laugh - but when it comes down to it, I really admire him for how much he believes, so easily. :) And Heechuuul~
(no subject) - papered on December 2nd, 2009 08:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - papered on December 2nd, 2009 09:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
amadomaybeamadomaybe on December 1st, 2009 08:22 am (UTC)
Hello there! Haha, I've been a silent reader for a while now and am just starting to awkwardly comment on people's stuff... x___x Your writing is always just so gorgeous that now I feel bad for not having commented earlier.

Anyway, this was a really interesting/well-written, thought out fic to read! Religion is kind of a touchy subject for me as well. I guess Siwon's SuperChristian act is kind of a turn-off for me. Which is why this line just hit me really hard: His marker is not for others, but for himself. I love that. I know these aren't the boys' real beliefs, just your speculations, but I feel like faith is something that's all fine and good if you believe, but I think it's something you should believe in for yourself, and not try to push it on others? XD And I think that fits in just so well with Donghae and his personality and just T__T it's heartbreaking lol.

Oh god, but I loved Zhou Mi and Heechul's parts. That's what makes sense to me, and you just worded it so perfectly! And Heechul's line especially... Just wow. I'm glad you didn't add that second line you mentioned in an above comment; it works on such a better emotional level this way.

Okay, long creepy comment is long and creepy. x_x Sorry. But this was just really really good, and quite deep for a kpop fanfic lol. Not that that's a bad thing!
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: you want thismeiface on December 2nd, 2009 01:57 am (UTC)
Yay, thank you so much for taking the time to comment! :D I really do appreciate hearing your thoughts.

I've always admired people like Siwon, who could believe so strongly and love so deeply...but part of me has always thought that religion should, first and foremost, be about a personal relationship with God, too. But Christianity is about living as an example (assuming an already good personal relationship with God, I guess) and...yeah, idk, I definitely get how it can rub people who don't believe the right way. I guess it's never bothered me, even though I don't believe, but I should stop talking before I start essaying on my personal experience with religion. XD Basically, things are different for everyone!

And Donghae is my biggest bias ever so I'm flattered that you think my portrayal of him fits. :D♥

Yeah, I sort of suspect Zhou Mi is in love with life and I am sort of in love with him, haha.

Ahhhh long comments are great and this is a long reply too asldkhf. Thank you so much!
{{ a y a m e | mabudachi trio }}hoyah on December 1st, 2009 08:54 am (UTC)
i love it!

it would be easy to write something like this and just explain everyone's faith, but that would be dull and get old fast

i like that there are marked differences here - each character's point of view had a purpose

i also like the surprise zhou mi and heechul! :D
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: sunny sunny sunnymeiface on December 3rd, 2009 04:14 am (UTC)
I didn't really expect to put Zhou Mi in there but when I went to portray that viewpoint...he just really fit. He's just so in love with life! :^D ♥

And I didn't want to write 15 versions of about the same thing. XD So just five.

Edited at 2009-12-03 04:15 am (UTC)
happytgt on December 1st, 2009 12:30 pm (UTC)
I liked that you dared to broach this whole religion subject, I wouldn't have dared, tbh. And the best part is you made it work. :D

Totally loved the Heechul line, though he's not my bias but it was a great line.

thumbs up! :)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: boys boys boysmeiface on December 3rd, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
Thanks! I guess I was just thinking about members-other-than-Siwon and what their take on religion might be... somehow it turned out longer than expected, sob. Story of my life.
mister fish, did you die?tees2mai on December 1st, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
I really liked Heechul's and Donghae's...

They seem to be the most believable...

I tend to stay away from over analyzing their religious choices...

But you did a good job 8)

it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: angstmeiface on December 3rd, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)
Thank you! I definitely think Donghae has a strong faith but he's just much less in-our-faces about it, I guess. XD
Bex!headless_bex on December 1st, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)
This is a-fucking-mazing.
You managed to encapsulate EVERYTHING without being remotely pretentious, wrong and false. Many people can't do that. You're really skilled, and this is a mind-blowing piece.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: hold my handmeiface on December 3rd, 2009 04:19 am (UTC)
Ugh, wow, you flatter me too much. XD Thank you so much though. I just wanted to explore a new topic in fic/meta.
written_noteswritten_notes on December 1st, 2009 02:47 pm (UTC)
I think it's so brave of you to write this because religion is such a touchy subject in practically any fandom, really.

I found Kyuhyun's the most interesting, because it's a very real thing that happens to many kids who are just 'inducted' into the faith by their family.

I love your writing!
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: life and those who live itmeiface on December 3rd, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)
sobbing, I wrote Bible slash once. What am I doing? But, yeah, kpop fandom likes to lol fondly at Siwon's religiousness (I do it too, I admit it), but he's far from the only religious member. I thought it would be interesting to see how other members might deal with their faiths differently.

I have definitely been in Kyuhyun's position. Not there anymore, but I've been there and I've seen it a lot too.

Thank you! ♥
(no subject) - written_notes on December 3rd, 2009 09:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meiface on December 3rd, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
サラonewhomust on December 1st, 2009 03:03 pm (UTC)
This was absolutely fantastic, and I'm so glad that you touched on this topic. Yes, it's all speculation, but the way you wrote it, it feels so real.

Thank you for writing this, it was perfect and gorgeous.
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: now and forevermeiface on December 3rd, 2009 06:26 am (UTC)
I think I was really curious to explore this topic for SJ because I've been through most of the above states, and I wanted to speculate about more than just Swion. Thank you so much for your comment!
takteng_kamote: KiHaeHanChultakteng_kamote on December 1st, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
This was amazing & beautiful. And I kinda believe too that that's how Kyuhyun feels about his faith.

I especially love the last line :)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: sex it upmeiface on December 3rd, 2009 06:27 am (UTC)
I could see it - he thanks God in the album jacket but doesn't necessary pursue God in every breath of his life. Likes to game, likes to drink... ;)

Thanks! I was worried about ending the last line like that so I'm glad it worked for you.
(Deleted comment)
it's weird to have a vibrating cat on your head: now and forevermeiface on December 3rd, 2009 06:28 am (UTC)
Your comment makes my heart all fuzzy and warm, seriously. Especially the bit about Heechul. :D Thank you so much!