Super Junior, bandfic (various), PG, 1050 words
Pairing wars come in all shapes and sizes: including in sock form.
One day, Donghae bursts into the room and announces gleefully, "I AM WEARING HYUKJAE ON MY FEET."
Hyukjae stares at him, appalled. Ryeowook blinks and asks, "Sorry?"
Heechul stares at the foot Donghae proudly wiggles at them, pant leg pulled up, and a slow grin spreads across his face. "Brilliant! Our socks are finally out!"
It's Heechul who starts it, because it always is. No one notices at first, though.
"I bought you a pair of socks, Kangin-ah," he sings, sashaying his way into Kangin's room and cheerfully flinging the aforementioned socks at the back of Kangin's head.
"What the fuck," Kangin says, turning around with a glare as the socks fall to the ground.
"Don't say I'm not a good hyung." Heechul waggles his fingers at the socks and then leaves the room with just as little ceremony. Kangin stares after him in confusion for a moment before switching his gaze to the ground. On the floor of his room are a pair of Eeteuk socks.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Yesung demands as Heechul wrestles him to the ground and sits on him.
"TAKE THEM OFF," he orders imperiously, one hand hovering over Yesung's face so he won't sit up suddenly to an effort to dislodge Heechul. "Siwon! Listen to your hyung! Come here and take those socks off."
"But," Siwon protests.
"Don't be such a wuss! It's not like it's Hyukjae's feet I'm asking you to touch!"
Hankyung muffles his laughter as Siwon tentatively approaches Yesung and looks dubiously down at his feet, encased in familiar character socks. Donghae socks, he notes, as Heechul tells Siwon to get on with it.
"If you're going to wear our socks," Heechul lectures Yesung later, after Yesung is finally let up, barefoot, "you have to wear appropriate ones. Dumbass. Donghae socks are not made for people like you."
Hankyung wonders whom Heechul deems worthy of wearing Donghae socks but knows, from experience, that it's better not to ask.
Sungmin is discovered wearing Kyuhyun socks, and Heechul beams so brightly at him, even Sungmin is confused. It only heightens as Heechul spends the rest of the day doting on him.
Maybe unsurprisingly, it is Donghae who catches on first. Perhaps because only he, of all the other members, even begins to operate on the same wavelength of logic that Heechul does.
He chortles and smirks all day until Eeteuk finally, almost reluctantly, asks why he's smiling.
"I'm wearing HanChul socks," he reports with a grin, and indeed, he is wearing a Heechul sock on his left foot and a Hankyung sock on his right.
It takes everyone else another few days, but then everyone gets it.
"SHICHUL FOREVER," Shindong yells, bursting into the room with a fighting pose.
"No way," Sungmin gasps. "SHIHAN FOREVER."
"That's stupid," Kyuhyun says, annoyed. "Everyone can tell that Heechul-hyung and Hankyung-hyung have a thing."
"WHAT ABOUT KANGCHUL?" Kangin demands, sticking out the foot with the Kangin sock and waving it around.
Eeteuk passes by and shoves him so he loses his balance. "Moron."
"Wait," says Hyukjae, frowning over the socks in his drawers and flipping through the options in his hands. "HyukMin? EunHae? EunTeuk?"
"ShiHyuk?" Siwon suggests helpfully, dimpling.
"I wish I had three feet," Donghae says despondently, staring at the socks laid out on the ground in front of him.
Kibum rolls his eyes.
"I love Heechul-hyung, but I love Hyukjae too, and what am I supposed to do if I can't keep you around?" Donghae makes sad eyes at Kibum.
"Just don't wear me, hyung," Kibum tells him, going back to his book. He's the only one who hasn't participated in this ridiculous sock war. Donghae's expression falls. Maybe Kibum doesn't care at all. Maybe he won't even care if Donghae wears Heechul and Hyukjae - except that would kind of be supporting CinHyuk and that's sort of weird, even to Donghae.
Wordlessly, Kibum shifts his position and leans back in his chair, stretching his feet before him. Donghae blinks at his feet, because he is wearing a Kibum sock and a Donghae sock.
Maybe, Donghae thinks, delighted, Kibum hasn't participated in this whole sock war because he didn't have any doubts or questions about who should be worn with whom.
"Wait," Ryeowook says, holding up a hand. There's pandemonium going on in his room as Yesung flings through his socks for a pair of Heechul, determined for some sort of revenge or other. Donghae seems to be looking for a pair of Eeteuk socks and the left Kibum sock he swears someone stole from his foot the night before. Other members are sprawled around, shouting about pairing wars and Kyuhyun can be heard muttering about the lack of Zhou Mi and Henry socks.
"What?" Hankyung asks kindly, because everyone else is busy being crazy and not listening.
Ryeowook smiles at him. "I was wondering...since Heechul-hyung is the one who came up with this idea...who are his sock pairings? Maybe that will put all these wars to rest."
It's a good idea, but no one wants to be the one to ask Heechul.
In the end, they dispatch Zhou Mi.
"You don't have character socks and he likes you," Eeteuk reasons, trying to look earnest and not like he's sending off a lamb to the wolves.
Zhou Mi just grins at them and agrees. "I'll be back with a detailed report!" he promises.
Heechul, in typical Heechul fashion, refuses to tell him anything. "I just wanted sock wars," he says airily. "It's funny. I don't care what people end up wearing, really."
When Zhou Mi reports back to the other members, he says, "Heechul-hyung says from now on, he is only going to wear Yunho socks."
Suddenly, half the members are falling over themselves. "There are Dong Bang socks," Hyukjae gasps. "I forgot! I am totally going to wear that smelly ugly-faced Junsu on my feet and step on him."
When Heechul hears of the pandemonium later, he can't stop grinning. "Seasoning!" he coos, utterly besotted as he wraps his arms around Zhou Mi. "You are such a little prodigy! Creating havoc on your own. You're my favorite."
Hankyung and Siwon exchange looks and settle, at last, on ShiHan socks.